会痛的呼吸

it's painful when i breathe....*grasping*
i should off to bed.

22

It's really disappointing.
i am actually angry, & there's a little hatred in me.
But hatred is tiring....that's y i choose not to, coz i experienced it b4.
But my choice is questioned.
coz my effort of giving out the opportunity is obviously not being appreciated for all this while.
someone condemned me for my stupid choice, my forgiveness, & my ignorance.
i began to question myself why this & why that!?
But i knew my choice well, i choose not to hate coz it's torturing, i choose to forgive & forget so that i can live a happier & simpler life;with not much to think of, & i choose to ignore not bcoz i really don't care, i care too much indeed, & i am trying my best not to make my own life miserable.
The most important point is.....what else should i do besides all these?!
i am not doing good as well....i don't have the power to change my fate, & this is not what i want.
So mummy, pls dun question my choice anymore. i have no choice but to forgive&forget.

23

i was just abt to get back my cheerful mood.....but i exploded again!
Lotsa ppl witnessed my insane fire spreading around.
i shd hv control my temper...but everyone is seeing me as a sick-cat,even the kid!
so i am actually blogging not to say anything abt regretting of my action just now!
WTH! Too much things is happening around.
is it impossible for me to get some peaceful days b4 leaving!?!? why the hell is it so hard!?
i am so freaking PISS OFF all these!!!

24

Godness gracious how could this be happening?
it's so dramatic! i cAn't believe it! ( o.0)

25

Mood: down
Status: puzzled & empty

Mood fluctuations is making me lk a psycho.
i don't know why.....i could be laughing at this moment & crying at the next second!
is it the symptom of some sort of psychological disorder!?
i feel so empty after i came back home...not knowing what to do.
& i feel so down....emo-ness strikes me all of a sudden for Godness sake!
my stomach is dancing around....i dun feel lk eating, dun feel lk doing anything except listening to emo songs to bring out my emo-ness.

i think i am crazy. yes i am.

26

Hopefully flight date is going to be confirmed by this week.
I received an email from UWisc, abt orientation, the time is so near!


26 more days to go~

27days

WTH am i so nervous! >.<
Flight!.....when is my flight!?!?!?

25th

i had loads of fun yterday....laughed like crazy!
Everytime when i laugh till grasping for air, it reminds me of my fellow bibaman at INTI!

Countdown: 28days

nEw

Gotten my new spec today!

Red & Black again!

Just realized that i hv lots of stuff with the combination of Red+Black & Orange+Black color.
It's purely coincidence!

Pencil Case & Spec Case & Hard-disk Case!
All Orange+Black!

& this one.....
All Red+Black!

23rd~

The countdown has officially started...
My flight will be on 23rdAug2010 tentatively, let's get our fingers crossed so that our Godfather is able to 'dig out' LOTS of flight ticket & send us to the States b4 Orientation starts!...coz u know the prob now is the flight to US is FULL for the time being!....i hv no idea how are we flying off without air ticket?!*touchwood*

The time i left in Malaysia, it's not 2years, not a year, not few months, not even a month!
DAYS.....yes it's DAYS!
What's my feeling? i seriously don't know!!!

Red & Black

Modena Red + Glossy Black
♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

Haiz

*sigh* hAizZzz
i just like to sigh a lot recently...for unknown reason.
emotionally retarded i guess?
When can i STOP all these!??!?!?!?!?!

大爱的足迹【飞翔】

Credits to my cousin bro for having his last will to have a sharing ceremony for all of his relatives & friends.
Bcoz of him, i came in-touch & got to know more about Buddhist Tzu-Chi Foundation.
Bcoz of him, i am now one of the members of the foundation, i might not be active now, but i believe i will in the future.
Bcoz of him, i got the chance to learn so many valuable lessons in life.
Bcoz of him, i found something in life....a meaningful goal.

I am grateful for having the opportunity to attend this ceremony...with the theme of 大爱的足迹【飞翔】.
I really like those sharing parts from his family members, it's meaningful & touching enough to give us teary eyes....& i enjoyed one of the videos shown to us, it's entitled '人生经济学'.
...the speaker did say something meaningful which leave some strong impacts on me.

Let's talk abt the part i like most, '人生经济学'.
We are always calculative about how much $$ we earn, & how much $$ we spend.
It is very uncommon for us to sit down & calculate how much time do we have for good deeds in our entire life.
As the speaker said, "人生无常，无常先来，还是明天先来，我们都不知道，所以我们必须把握当下，珍惜眼前所有的一切"
Most of us do not realize that we will actually spend quarter of our life just to sleep.
In other words, assuming that we have 60years of life-span, & we sleep for 8hours per day, 20years are spent on sleeping, unconscious & out of touch with the world.
...bear in mind that we gotta take out some time for eating, bathing, day-dreaming, sms-ing, calling, talking, & etc.
So basically we left not much time to contribute, & do good deeds.
Some of u may hv heard abt this calculating thingie.
But i believe not many ppl will think about it thoroughly & make a change.
At least, i was among these ppl.
i ever came across with this once upon a time, but i didn't really go & think abt it.
But today, again, this 'time-calculation' came to me, & it creates an impact on me.
"人生最大的资产就是时间，而最大的风险是无常"
i absolutely totally truly really madly deeply AGREED at this!
i bought a book abt '人生经济学', i was not sure if i should buy it at first, coz it's a chinese book, & i'm not sure whether i hv the patience to finish reading it.
But my younger cousin bro told me Hey the words in this book are not tough & i am sure u will hv the patience to finish the entire book coz it's really a good book & u will definitely learn a lot a lot & change into a different person by then!
With his powerful persuasive words, i bought it at last.
....& he bought me a book, '考验'.
He recommended this book for me & he believes that it will be very useful for me who is going to explore the outside world soon.
I am grateful & really appreciate his good deeds.

these are what i've gotten home

Bamboo Piggy Banks for charity purpose
Jing Si Aphorisms in both language
大悲咒 抄写本 from aunt
My 1st Chinese book in my life - '人生经济学'.
2nd Chinese book from cousin bro - '考验'.


i am looking forward to explore the content inside

'Still Thoughts' is the English version of Jing Si Aphorisms...
....& this precious book with autograph in it
They're given to me by cousin bro=)

okay so i shall start some reading to exercise my rusted mind!

omg

i was taken aback when i threw a random glance at the calender today.
It shows ''16th July 2010"
The '16' scares me!....
i didn't realize that it's already 16th today!
(i actually thought that today is only 6th or 7th!)

With all the things happening in these few days,
i am afraid...i am puzzled...i am worry...i am depressed...i am trembling...i am lost...i am...
There're just too much 'i am....' & i feel lk my stupid head is gonna burst!
Feel lk banging it on the wall behind me now! *arHhhhHh*

i shall stop thinking...i shall shut my mind off!

Pre-Departure Briefing

The title 'Pre-Departure Briefing' still sounds a little bit of strange to me.
I still couldn't believe all these are happening....i mean all these study abroad thingie.
i knew, it's already July, i'm supposed to pack up my mind & switch it to 'pre-leaving' mode!
But i am still doubting abt everything...
U can call me slow-poke, i don't mind! In fact, I AM!
Perhaps i'm being influenced by the philosophy theory about 'Nothing is real'??? Still remember that i found it very interesting when i first came across this theory in Philosophy Lecture...coz it says that life is not real, nothing is real, & ourself is not real as well!...they're all the product of our powerful mind, to phrase it differently, everything is purely an imagination! So basically your existence is based on my imagination. Interesting huh??

Anyway, just a brief summary about what hv i done in the briefing.
Reached INTI at 6am+, reached Putrajaya at around 8am, got my blazer, registered myself, went into the huge hall with awesome deco & lighting, got my ears set for some briefing abt Insurance, Bank, & Flight, then the main focus came in, which is ALLOWANCE, had lunch, some camwhoring, back to INTI, & back at home at night.

candid shoot of me putting on the blazer

da gurls~

loving the abstract deco & lighting

~the oceans of heads~

$$$$$
main focus!

another candid shoot!

me & Marvin
Best of luck in Ohio!

s&w
last group photo i guess?

(n.n)

no one says that we must be serious in formal attire!
so why bother being so serious in all the photos?
LOL

dian po Jessica! XD

MJ with his tie yang senget! ahA

BlazerRr~~

That was probably the last time for me to feel the breeze of INTI. =(

烦！

i am happy & satisfied for being able to do something.
i am regretting over something which i've done coz it's kinda annoying now!
i am upset over something that is happening for almost everyday.
i am disappointed over something.

That's all for now.
Stay tuned for my next post entitled 'Pre-departure Briefing'.

Jumbling updates

1. Packing at the 11th hour is stressful....i realized i left out something important to be done!

2. Tmr is the Pre-departure briefing, i am all excited & overjoyed coz it's the time for all of us to get together after a long yet short break at home!=)

3. My palm is swollen...yes it's right palm! i'm having a bit difficulties to write! i think i sprained it.=( Mum helped me to massage, i cried & screamed lk crazy!

4. It's 8.54pm, & i need to sleep now....not for World Cup!....i'm going to wake up at 4am later & start my journey to INTI at 5am!

Till then, BYE~

Mission

Secret mission on the go! XD

It's time to pack!

Woke up early on a random Saturday morning not knowing what to do....
So i decided to start packing since my mum has been nagging me to do it.
There goes the few hours in the morning..packing my stuff into my luggage.
My big luggage is almost full after i've put all the thick clothing in....not even my normal clothes yet! i guess i'm in trouble, gonna squeeze or else take out some thick & heavy one!

50% done
Next packing session will be on August!



oh i received the 1st cheque ever in my life!
it's a refund of streamyx deposit from Telekom Malaysia Berhad.

it worth RM13.35!!!
*lol*

Encouraging stuff

Don't let someone become a priority in your life,
when you are just an option in their life...
Relationships work best when they are balanced.


Never explain yourself to anyone.
Because the person who likes u doesn't need it,
& the person who dislikes u won't believe it.


When you keep saying u are busy, then u are never free;
When you keep saying u have no time, then u will never have time;
When you keep saying that u will do it tmr, then ur tmr will never come.


We make them cry who care for us,
We cry for those who never care for us,
And we care for those who will never cry for us.
This is the truth of life, it's strange but true.
Once u realize this, it's never too late to change.


Don't make promise when u are in joy,
Don't reply when u are sad,
Don't decide when u are angry,
Think twice, Act wise!


Time is like a river,
U cannot touch the same water twice,
because the flow that has passed will never pass again,
Enjoy every moment of life.


"First i was dying to finish my high school & start college
& then i was dying to finish college and start working
Then i was dying to get married and have children
& then i was dying for my children to grow old enough so I could go back to work
But then i was dying to retire
& now i'm dying suddenly i realized i forgot to live."
Don't let this happen to you,
appreciate ur present situation & enjoy each day.


When we wake up in the morning, we have 2 simple choices,
Go back to sleep & dream, or wake up & chase those dreams.
Choice is yours.

Unknown

It drives me into the deep oceans....
No one knows, it's hard to bear....
The bottle of teardrops has finally broken....

Rompak

今天去打劫来！
As stated above, i went to 'rompak' today. XD
...managed to get some stationery to be brought along to the States.
So here goes the snapshot of my hasil rompakan.........

2years worth of stationery looks like this!

I am still looking for a word to replace the zillions of thankfulness & gratefulness that i wish to express!

Invention

Tried out new recipe today.
I was overjoyed during the mid-night of a random wonderful day.....coz i found some great recipes from the net.
So today's new dish is something yummy & crispy & healthy (i supposed??)

ingredients prepared

mix & mash everything

steam for 15minutes, then cut into pieces

Final step, deep-fry them using frying powder

it's ready to be served!
as simple as that...=)
What shd i name it?
Crispy Golden Bean Curd(香口豆腐)? =P

-ing

I am thinking something....thinking to give up...thinking to throw it away....
But yesterday i saw rainbow again.....i just feel that it signifies something....something i couldn't explain.....coz i have not been seeing rainbow for ages...but i keep on seeing it recently.
seems like God is trying to give me hint not to do whatever i am thinking....but i'm not sure if i am thinking too much!?
i'm not trying to be religious here...but i do believe in the presence of an unseen order behind the happening of everything.
what should i do?
i am lost...............

~~~Anniversary~~~

HAPPY 2nd YEAR ANNIVERSARY

1st of July marks the new beginning in my life

it's the 1st day i came to my college, INTI University College.
All the scenes & images are flashing back in my mind now.
i can still visualize them again & again.

Still remember how was my feeling when i 1st received the offer letter from JPA.
i was puzzled. i was afraid, i was surprise, i was uncertain whether i shd accept the offer.
After all, it's not something that i planned for, it's not something that i wish indeed.

i never expected, & never thought of leaving M'sia to study abroad, & leaving home to start a new life.
i asked around for opinions, to my expectation, everyone suggested that i shd accept it, coz it's once in a life-time opportunity to hv such a good offer to the United States of America.
opportunity is like a thief, once it's gone, it's gone forever.
At that time, i knew i'm going to make an imperative decision regarding my future.
....& finally i said 'YES' to my parents. So i started my new life at Nilai on 1stJuly2008, a kinda ULU place. Nevertheless, i like this place!

July 1st, 2009, it was 1st year anniversary.
i was sitting on the chair infront of my desk....typing a post on Blogger.
i was amazed at how i've gone through a year at this place!....& i was thinking i might be sitting at home blogging abt 2nd year anniversary on July 1st, 2010......& so here i am!

Time flies.
2years hv gone since the 1st day i came to INTI.

2years ago, it was INTI University College;
& now, it is INTI International University!

2years ago, i was still a naive kid, with not much confidence that i would be able to survive;
& now, it's proven that i've survived through the most hectic+enjoyable college life!

2years ago, i came alone with no friends;
& now, i'm having loads of wonderful friends here!

2years ago, i was a nerd who didn't know how to be crazy, how to enjoy life, how to cry while laughing, how to hv supper late in the night, how to act stupid in public, how to.......
& now, i've learnt all the 'how to......' i knew how terrible my life is going to be without the presence of my dearest friends.

2years ago, i was as weak as a little chick;
& now, i'm not as strong as an eagle, but at least i am stronger!

i love all these changes for it makes me into a better person, a grown-up kid.
2years worth of memories have poured out all in once...my college life at INTI has officially ended 2 months ago....1month+ from now, i will be starting my new life as a Bucky at University of Wisconsin-Madison!

2 years have gone in just a blink....another 2 years will be gone in another blink....does it explains why human can get old in just a blink of an eye!?!?[self-reminder:no more teens for me in few months time!] LOL~

May everyone of us shine through no matter where we are...
May everyone of us be blessed throughout the journey...

HAPPY 2nd YEAR ANNIVERSARY PEOPLE!