还记得

words can't describe how i feel when i see this picture
His 1st day of school, with new uniforms :)

还记得7年前
15岁的我当上了阿姨
还记得
我第一次抱着只有1星期大的他
抱着像只小猫咪的他
当时我真的很害怕

从那天起
我当上了“保姆”
看着他慢慢地一天比一天大
他，不知不觉的已经成为我生命中的一部分
我开始慢慢习惯家里多了这位小成员

还记得有一天
我放学回到家
妈妈告诉我说他已经被父母亲接走了
暂时不会住在我家
当时的我
偷偷哭了几个小时，几乎快要疯掉了
后来才发现原来妈妈只是和我开玩笑

从喂奶，换尿片，到教他读书识字
这些都是我15岁后，生活中的一部分

还记得
他学会的第一句话是 Apple :)

还记得
他喜欢学我
学我去上课
学我做功课
学我读书
喜欢叫我和他一起玩 老师-学生 的游戏

还记得
有几次我打骂他
可是我自己却哭了

有时候他真的很惹人厌
气得我蹦蹦跳
可是有时候的他
很可爱，很讨人欢心

他，就是那么纯真的小孩

7年已过去了
他已经不是以前那个什么都不懂的小婴儿
现在的他
开始踏入了他人生的另一个阶段

我离开家里都已经有一段时间了
短短的一年半里
他真的长大了很多

突然有种莫名的感触

一方面是。。觉得自己老了
另一方面。。是真的想念他了 :)

skypy

So there goes my SECOND skype session with family
yEs it was the SECOND-one ever since i left home..about a year & a half ago
The kids were obviously....overjoyed
hahAha

严永贤
你真的很无聊
明知道会这样
可是你。。。
你的性格 几时才要改？!

告别

再过几天
就要告别２０１１这一年了

这深刻的一年
我应该永远也无法忘记

因为在这短短的一年里
发生了太多预想不到的事情
有好的　那当然也有坏的

也许　２０１１年
是我人生中最精彩的一年
那些一连串的事情　
就好像刚发生似的　
就像是前几天的事　

转眼间
跌跌撞撞
又过了一年

告别2011,邂逅2012

跨年．．你准备好了吗？

x'mas

两天了
像团烂泥的我
也应该开始从新出发
在这个假期里做些有意义的事情

今天是圣诞节
但不是白色圣诞

昨晚上的平安夜
还蛮多感触的

再过多几天
2011年的一切
就会变成过去
时间过得真快



我家出现了圣诞老人 :)


你，有许愿吗？



很庆幸，我过了一个很温馨的平安夜 :)

真的很感激他们的晚餐
i'm grateful that i'd been invited
i'm grateful for the dinner full of laughter
i'm grateful that Eng spent so much time to set up such a wonderful dinner
i'm grateful that Bill was my driver of the day, fetched me around the town to look at many awesome X'mas decorations which i would not have seen otherwise
May God bless the Braun family :)


♪ღ♪*•.¸¸¸.•*¨¨*•.¸¸¸.•*•♪ღ♪¸.•*¨¨*•.¸¸¸.•*•♪ღ♪•*
在这里祝大家圣诞节快乐
你的圣诞节，过得怎么样了呢？
♪ღ♪*•.¸¸¸.•*¨¨*•.¸¸¸.•*•♪ღ♪¸.•*¨¨*•.¸¸¸.•*•♪ღ♪•*

突破

可能别人都会觉得这很普通
可是对我而言，这是个突破

虽然不是面对面，但。。。
这是第一次，两个人可以一起闲聊
21年来，这是第一次
不是早就应该这样吗？

虽然聊着很多可笑的过去
可是同时。。
却感觉到酸溜溜的鼻头
热腾腾的眼泪快夺眶而出
但。。。
很喜欢这样的感觉
有点奇怪，却很美妙

今天才知道
原来我，不是我想象中的那么多余
原来我，占据了你们回忆的一部分
原来我，也有精彩的过去

motivation running low...

warming up

Anyone up for a walk out there?
c'mon! it's 9degree celcius at
NIGHT
on a random day in mid of
DECEMBER!
There have been accusations that the whole claim of global warming is fabricated & exaggerated to freak people out.
What do u think?!
Although it's weird that we don't have snow yet at this time of the year, but i still prefer this way, with this kind of mild temperature in winter!
Madison without snow is just awesome! :)
*Hopefully the length of winter doesn't get extended till June & eat up our wonderful summer time* XD
*touchwood*

KEEP it UP!

way more productive than i thought!!!!
muAhaHahhaaa

WHAT!?

i REALLY HATE it when my plan is spoilt for some unforseen cicumstances!!!
i freaking WANNA start working on the essays today BUT the questions are still not uploaded yet!!!
i expected myself to be very productive TODAY & hence, can at least get ONE or TWO essays done so that i can focus on other things in the next few days!
HOW am i gonna do so many things in such a short time over the weekend!?!?

YES i am very IMPATIENT right now!
i don't hv TIME to be PATIENT!
FASTER upload the QUESTIONSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!
arGhghghhhHHhh!!!

get set, ready, GO!

I'm ready to GO!!!
just handed-in a not-well-written-10pages paper today
3 final-exams preparation + 9 freakin essays to write on over my wonderful weekend!
This is the consequences of having 3papers laying close to each other, & not forgetting there's another hOly-cumulative-ECON final after those 3!
Well, i gotta be really productive from this second onwards.
...gonna start my engine right after my presentation tmr

Things left for this semester:
4 final exams
+
presentation tmr
+
those pieces of essays
+
1 more 10pages paper to touch-up
+
PREPARATION! PREPARATION! PREPARATION!


I will survive, for sure.
...
Best of luck, everyone!

=)

the kung-fu kids!

too bad that i missed out d opportunity to be there :(

look at those cuties with their graduation-hats! ^^


yeA it's my little nephew's kindergarten's graduation-ceremony
i'm still not happy that i did not have the chance to be with him during his 1st year of pre-schooling, see him with his uniform on, guide him when he's having troubles with his hw, listen to him singing & speaking on the stage, lend him my ears about his storiesSs at school, & share his joy of having many first-experiences....
Now that he's done with kindergarten, & moving forward to primary education in a month time.....again, i'm not happy for the fact that i won't be with him during his 1st day of school, & even for the entire year+ :(

Anyway, conclusion of the day is that, kid grows real fast!...he's so different from how i remember him to be....i'm looking forward, really looking forward to see him, who is gonna be in primary2 in 2013 :)


well, i don't have any picture with my graduation-hat on...but i have this, a picture of me dressing-up for graduation performance =)

& this!....
*it proves that i do have some surpressed-athletic-genes*

nAh my noobie look when i was 5 *LMAO*

spOt me! *hint:far end*

十二月的第一天
2011年的最后一个月
一口气发疯似的去了3趟grocery shopping
买了很多喜欢的食物
打算亲自下厨为自己煮些好吃的
我忘了上一次认真的下厨是几时的事了
因该是一两个月左右吧
。
。
。
。
。
。
就快要下雪了
有点期待，期待着冬天结束的到来
。
。
。
。
。
。
认真的放慢脚步 思考了很多
才惊觉其实我应该反省一下
终于决定 也准备好了
是时候改掉我的缺点
改掉已经习惯的习惯
为自己而改变
为生活而努力
:)

初老症状第22条：
“越来越不喜欢改变已经习惯的习惯 ”

改变
真的不简单

crowding out

Sure,
we always talk about what we want to do in the nebulous future...but we don't realize that the 'present' always crowd out our future goals.
Frankly, i have troubles laying away for my future.
Are u having the same problem too?

今天又做了一件我没做过的事情
=)

:)

我从未看过任何人会在生日当天哭得那么多，那么的凄惨
可能就只有我吧
看来我又进步了

心中有千言万语
可是却不知从何说起
除了感激与感动，
我不知道还要说些什么，做些什么
真的很对不起。。。
谢谢你们，每一个爱我的人

誕生日

生日。。。。一定要快乐?

老实说 我没有很喜欢20岁的自己
可是我也不至于期待21岁 这个陌生的年龄

21岁的第一天
我带着一个全新的自己
花了一整天
做了一些平时很少会去做的事情
就好像。。
对着镜子前的自己笑
躺在草地上 听音乐 仰望着天空
浪费时间 四处游荡
看看一些我从未停下脚步而观看的东西

喜欢今天的随意
喜欢今天的天气
喜欢今天的感觉
喜欢今天的自己

我不是应该喜欢每天的那个自己吗?

11.13.2011

11/13/2011
It's my birthday
it's just a normal day with added specialities
I turn 21 today, it's my first step towards legal adulthood
For some reason I don't feel excited about it although people have been saying that turning 21 is a big deal in life.

Yes it's my day
But I still think that this day should be dedicated to my mum instead
It's her day, the big day of hers...
where she risks-ed her life to give birth to me
& underwent through 8hours of labor-pain

雪

等待 的时空 有点重
重得时钟走不动

我望着窗外
天空下起了小雪
一朵一朵的小雪花飘飘而下
好漂亮

雪

2011年的第一场雪
一场早到的大雪
来得很突然
让我想起一年前的我

找

不停的寻找借口
寻找自己
怎么没发现
该寻找的
不是借口
而是出路呢？

美

生活不完美
可是这不代表生活并不美
多看看你生活当中美的部分吧
否则我们永远会有羡慕不完别人的人生

the edge

i'm on d edge
...not of glory
but

desperation
.
desolation
..
& dejection
...

dummie

DUMB i feel so DUMB
The feeling suckz big time!!!

hatred

Things seems to turn out bad for me recently
i made mistake in whatever things that i intended to do well
i am really disappointed at myself
i have lost myself...
YIM YONG SYEN!
where r u!?
this is just not me
the real me wouldn't be like this
i still can't forgive myself for what i have done today
never felt this bad before
yes i hate myself for the time being
i HATE u!
why am i the way i am right now?
gimme some time,
i am gonna be myself again real soon

如果有一天
我放弃了
那表示我真的累了


其实现在的我。。已经很累
累得想抛下我所拥有的东西
包括亲情 友情 爱情 课业 工作 梦想。。。和许多许多的东西
想彻底的抛下这一切
可是我清楚明白自己一定做不到


在远方的你 说我最近心事从从 变得很沉默
你说我有尝试去掩饰 可是就逃不过你的法眼
我不否认 我心里的确装满着很多很多 多得几乎让我窒息
请原谅我 什么也没说
因为我不知该从何说起


就连我自己也搞不懂我是怎么了
可是我可以很肯定 我是有点累了

不知道要往哪走
真的不知道

huMan

People come & go, like it or not, this is a fact
When someone leaves u, it simply means that his/her part of story in ur life has ended.
What u can do is just cry, feeling heart-broken, & move on...meeting some others who can be a new story in ur life...

It's a CYCLE again, as i meantioned before,
LIFE is all about CYCLEs.
Of course, i'm not saying that every single person that we meet in our life will leave us sooner or later....it's just that we human tend to forget about this 'cycle-fact', & take things for granted at good times.

It's just like the economy of a country,
often, during an economic boom,
people would enjoy as best as they can, & wouldn't have a single thought on how to control the bubbles/prevent them from bursting.
When the bubbles finally burst, it marks the end of good times, & it usually gives everyone a huge shock, & they start blaming this & that, though they clearly knew beforehand that the bubbles would burst eventually.
Still, they did not prevent this from happening, but kept taking advantages of the good times, & feeling shock afterwards when it really happens.

Being unappreciative when everything looks good,
& feeling regret when the good things have slipped through our hand.
This is human instinct.
I am a human,
i do make this kind of mistakes,
i guess u too, don't u?

I personally feel that...it's pathetic.
What i can do is, keep reminding myself not to make this kind of stupid mistakes.
Family, friends, brotherhood, sisterhood, lover, co-workers, & even classmates....or any kind of relationships....are indeed prone to this risk of 'cycle-fact'.

u say that i am an idiot, who let things become the way they are right now...who make myself become so tired....but what i can say is,
when i keep quiet, it doesn't means that i am ignorant & don't know what's happening, i just feel that the best thing i could do is not doing anything, coz i'm afraid, afraid to make this kind of mistake, afraid to lose whatever i am having, & afraid to regret afterwards.
I just want to be simple, to be happy, that's all.

My point is,
please don't take anyone for granted when they are still around,
who knows u won't be seeing him/her anymore in the next split second;
please bear in mind that, people go & come into ur life,
relationship is fragile,
so does LIFE...
we only live once, & we wouldn't wanna carry much regrets in our life.

i freaking lOve every single one of u who comes into my life
I am trying my best, to be grateful, to be appreciative.
You're welcome to yell or even slap me, if u feel that i am not.


-end-

梦

日有所思 夜有所梦？
我没思
却有梦

我
其实不想回忆
也尽量不去想
可是
它尽然一而再 再而三地出现在我梦里
梦境像真的一样

我
是怎么了？

Having 2 writing-mid-terms one after another is definitely no fun
my fingers are officially dead now
but at least i am done with 2 in a day
wait a minute...i'm not done with mid-terms yet
more to come in the coming weeks!

落叶的季节

d earth turn round & round
i went round & round
i am back again, to this season of falling leaves
it's just a cycle
a cycle of life
no one knows what's ahead on tmr, even the next second
but the fact is pretty clear to everyone of us...
that...
no matter how far we go
no matter how many cycles we have been thru
u & me are gonna come to one final point of life eventually,
which is
DEATH
no one has ever escaped this final destination
& i believe no one would
we are all having a boarding pass to this destination
it's just the matter of time

sick?

i'm so sick
sick physically...physchologically...mentally
i am tired, so tired of my life right now
yes i mean LIFE
i have been thinking a lot recently...i know, this has been my bad habit to screw myself with my nonsense thinking
why is everything seems so complicated for me?
perhaps i'm making things complicated for myself?
i just want a very simple life...a very simple one with nothing much to worry about.

i'm taking a fascinating subject where i learn about those unseen worlds & spirits
u know what, i wish i could be in the unseen dimension forever & never come back again
perhaps the life that i would have over there is not the one i'm hoping for...but i don't care i just wanna take a forever break from everything around me right now
u can say that i am selfish...yes i am
Forgive me, i'm just being too tired
Obviously, i am not as strong as u thought
Someone ever told me that i possess a kind of "killing-silence", & it eventually forms a brick wall around me, which acts as a barrier for others to get anywhere nearer to my true-self.
Well, my silence, & the cold-outer-shell i have....are just something that could protect my inner-self, my inner-self that can be thorn apart easily.

can i call u?
...& tell u that i am indeed faking myself when i say i'm doing super-great over here?
...can i tell u that i am really tired?...though u never knew i would be so weak
...& can i tell u that i am missing u?...coz i never did before
...can i pour down all my tears?...just for once?
would u cry?..when u hear me crying?

-i knew all d answers in my heart-
still, i am asking these again & again to myself

when september ends

Way more busier than i expected
it's 4th week now
pretty fast
marathon officially starts from 5th week onwards
with exam & mid-term & papers & reports due on each week..continuosly till d end
well, i am trapped in dilemma again
trying to weigh the pros & cons & make wise decision again
>.<


Quote of the day:

别人拥有的，你不必羡慕，只要努力，你也会拥有；自己拥

有的，你不必炫耀，因为别人也在奋斗，也会拥有。多一点快乐，少一点烦恼，不论富或穷，地位高或低，知识浅或深。每天开心笑，累了就睡觉，醒了就微笑，生活就是这么简单。

settled down.....busy semester ahead with tons of reading & writing & working & thinking &....
yEs i'm gonna survive through
stArtdooO!

it's the time of the semester again
stressing up & cracking brain cells trying to figure out my schedule
Super HATE this time! ughGh!

收拾家里
收拾房间
收拾心情
是时候从新出发。。上课去啦！！！

epic failure i am

okay i am lost on the first day of classes despite having been here for a year....as a result, i missed the first class.
Well i am not really ready for school yet, still deciding on what subjects to take!
i feel that i am falling sick....physchology?..whatever, i am going to sleep now.
bYe

"Love is missing someone whenever you're apart, but somehow feeling warm inside because you're close in heart."- Kay Knudsen

strange enough

It's so strange, the feeling is so strange that i have never actually experienced it before

meant to be?

Why does it always has to be in this way, this manner?
I am just wondering if this is completely my problem?
People told me that "others like u just the way u are"
But sometimes i doubt it, what in me which makes people like me?
Sometimes i don't even like myself.

i've already ended my teen-hood, & adulthood is approaching in few months time.
But often, i find myself in the midst of searching my own identity...identity development?
i know this sounds weird but i just have this sensation that multiple inner-selves are struggling within me & the questions of "who am i?" "what am i?" & bla bla bla keep lingering on my mind from time to time.
oH well, this post sounds so crazy!
insanity is haunting me when i have nothing much to do to kill the time.

Perhaps i should just be myself.
But it would definitely be better if u could tell me who am i...

366-days

It's been a year since i arrived in Madison.
I met with some juniors who just arrived few days ago...i spent some time with them, i had fun watching them exploring this new town, just like what i did a-year-ago.
Looking at them, a deep sense of unexplained feeling falls upon me.
I found myself in them, i was exactly like them when i was first exposed to this new place, new culture, new environment, & new people around.
It's so true that time & tide waits for no man.

Pre-departure preparation
Goodbye to my family & friends in Malaysia
36hours-journey all the way to the states
Move-into my new apartment
Explore Madison with a campus map on hand
Try out & experience those so-called 'western food' & 'american accent'

It feels like all the above mentioned experiences happened yesterday
They are still so fresh in my mind.
I have not accomplished much in a-year-time since the beggining of this new chapter of my life.
But i dare to say that i have learned a lot.
I am still learning, & growing, to be a better person.

Well, my point is, one year is short yet long.
I realized that i do not have much time left in the United States.
Anyway, Happy OneYear Annivesary to my fellow Malaysians & Madisonians!

Texas-NewOrleans

Well well well....
i just came back from summer vaccation
i am officially done with ESL courses....cheers!?

So this post is meant to update some pictures taken on my trip.
I can tell u that it's definitely not a good idea to travel South in summer.
But i did.....
Texas - The Lone Star State
New Orleans - The Crescent City

1st stop: Dallas/Fort Worth

nice landscape in the water garden

@ stockyards station
the unbearable weather (~44celcius) makes u can't stay any longer

witnessed the long horns

oh yEah do i look like 'him'?

oldie train which makes the surrounding temperature even higher with all the heatsSs being released out

obviously, we are in the jail =(

with friendly uncle Lim :)
appreciate the wonderful hospitality

Rodeo show...the show itself was interesting & enjoyable
but i didn't really enjoy much coz something bad happened right b4 the show starts :(

yEe hAa!

downtown fort worth

with long horns' 'burning' sculptures under the blazing sun

kinda disappointed with this museum but at least i get to see the spot where JFK was shot & killed

Medieval Times....we get into the castle, hv our dinner while watching tournament.
i get to see some medieval-style games besides real sword-fighthing which i had only seen on tv.

these were the only utensils that we used for dinner
we had "Baby dragon, just tastes like chicken", "Dragon egg", "Dragon ribs"....& many more which i forgot the names >.<

show time!

i had fun watching this cute little kid getting his face painting done=)




2nd stop: Austin, the state capitol of Texas

i am amazed at the painting on it

different kinds of long horns are everywhere along the street

UT-Austin

State Capitol

@Congress Bridge, we wacthed trillions of bats flying out from underneath the bridge...the scene was spectacular!!!


they look like bees from far

sunset has always been my fav :)

3rd stop: San Antonio


our super elegant hotel ^^



The Alamo

us...the yellowssss

The famous tourist attraction...Riverwalk

gurls time

guys time

river-cruise

mutation? lol

teEhee playing ard with cowboy hats =P

Mexican food...forgot the name again

@Marcus Square

^^

Tower of America

i have no idea how freaking high was the wind speed...that was insanely crazy!

awesome nightview....my second fav after sunset

Tom Rider's Adventure...not impressive though :(

yeSh our candid nerdy shot! hahahaha


yesh i went in!
i am proud to say that it was the 1st haunted house that i had been to in my life!

the mirror maze

cowgirl?



4th stop: New Orleans

street car, a kinda new thing to me

French quarter

Mardi Gras tour

muaAk! lol

camwhoring with a stranger LOL XD

i love this =)

impressive artwork

muscle guy huh!?

a tired day out

the masksSss....

it's swamp tour

good thing abt it is no moisquitoes due to the non-stagnant water=)

NewOrleans...the land of not just crawfish, but jazz, french quarter, cajun, swamp, alligators, & many more

my sotong hair...buahahHAhah

let's call it a day

let's go wild!

our last group photo...:)

-d end-

They were all awesome places...but Madison has always been the awesome-est one!
I feel so good when i came home.
I am so pleased that i made the right decision to come to this place initially.
Anyway, it was a good trip overall =)