a hard time

I am not positive abt myself
I am feeling negative
I am indeed down

I question myself if i have been forcing myself too hard?
I question myself if i am not working hard enough?
I question myself if i am really that dumb?

Often, i encouraged people when they hv these kind of probs
Now, it's my turn
But i hv a hard time encouraging myself
All those things lying infront of me strike my confidence again & again

i couldn't not think of it at times when i am supposed to have fun
The smile on my face...
The laughter that u can hear from me...
...they're all fake
You can call me faker...i don't mind.

I know, my problem is nothing big if i were to compare it with other's
Still, I am having a hard time defeating myself.
Now i understand the saying
"Your biggest enemy is indeed, yourself"

hopefully....

i seldom tell ppl when i had a hard time
coz i know there's no benefit to let the ppl around me to worry
coz i know i am the only ONE who can help myself

But it's different this time
the emotion is overflowing & i need to tell ppl that
~ i am indeed having a hard time ~

The problem will still be there....
i am in the 'betwixt & between' stage
It is now up to me to solve it & move towards my expectation.